I plan for this to be my last post for the weekend, subscribers. New post comin’ Monday!
I recently had the great misfortune of stumbling across a blog — here on wordpress, no less — where a bunch of ignorant people sat around talking about how homosexuality is wrong and a learned behavior and should not be a part of “diversity” when we talk about diverse books.
What’s interesting is that all the people who commented claimed they don’t hate gay people and even wanted to include gay people in their stories. They see us as people with a mental disorder that needs fixing. They don’t want to hurt us, they say.
Except invalidating someone’s sexuality is hurting them and you are wrong.
They’re like those racists who swear they aren’t racist but who see black people as inferiors who can’t help being inferior. It’s wrong to hate our inferiors. People can’t help being lowly scum, right? The kind thing to do is to teach them to be better! And by “better” we mean “like us!”
I think I’m going to hurl. . . . my car at someone’s head.
It’s very curious how people can be hateful and discriminatory bigots, all under the delusion that they mean no harm. Benevolent bigotry is still bigotry. It stems from ignorance, just like every other form of hatred. Maybe you don’t think you hate gay people, but telling someone they’re disgusting and wrong and excluding them from discussions about diversity and invalidating who and what they are is hateful.
And you know why you think that way? You know why you think homosexuality is wrong? Because you were taught to think that way. See, you’re the one following instructions. Not me.
Homosexuality isn’t right or wrong. It just is. It’s like being born with an extra finger. It’s different, and it’s probably not what Nature intended, but then Nature isn’t a conscious being, it’s a random pair of dice falling, chaotic and unpredictable. We labor under the delusion that we were created by some god, when we began as slugs and worms and evolved over millions of years to adapt to our environment.
What was the point of adapting? So we could bicker and bitch about who’s having sex with who? Why do you even care what other consenting adults are doing? Could you imagine me sitting around going, “Man, straight people are wrong. It’s a learned behavior, something evolution taught them to do so they could procreate. Everyone should be queer.”
No, I’m not doing that. Because I’m not a bigot.
I didn’t learn to like women from someone. As a child, no one sat me down and instructed me to like women. There weren’t women kissing each other on tv. There was no internet, so I didn’t stumble across any lesbian porn. I grew up having no queer heroes and I was definitely not exposed to real-life queer women, as my mother was a homophobe who sneered at the very idea of two women together.
And yet, I liked other girls the same way I liked boys. No one told me to. I didn’t learn it by watching anyone. As I demonstrated above, there was no one to watch. So . . . where did I learn this behavior? Tell me. I’ll wait.
You can’t tell me. Because it’s not a “lifestyle” and it’s not a choice. I didn’t wake up one day and say, “Gee, I’m not treated like shit nearly enough. Let me add discrimination against my sexuality to the list of ways people can trample me!”
When I was about seven years old, the super model Iman (David Bowie’s wife) was signing autographs at the mall. I was fucking in love with her. I remember standing there and just being in awe of her beauty. She was perfect. She was goregeous. So graceful and sweet and kind. She was so patient with me too. She was amused by my gaping and likely unaware that I was gawking at her the way a little boy would.
She signed a photograph of herself for me and gently told me, “Look at the camera.” I didn’t want to. I wanted to look at her. Everyone thought it was funny. They thought I was just startstruck. Nope. I was more than that. I was struck.
Today, Iman’s autographed photo is on my mantlepiece. Meeting her was one of the best moments of my life.
And guess what? I grew up with movies like Labyrinth, so I had a crush on her husband David Bowie too. When I was nine, I decided I was going to marry Robin Williams, that I would find him and he would be my husband. At the same time, I still liked girls.
As I came into puberty, if I saw a girl and I found her attractive, she turned me on the way no man could. This isn’t something I was instructed in. Again, who would have taught my vagina to get wet from seeing girls? I liked women as much as I liked men. And because I didn’t know it was normal and that thousands of people existed just like me, I spent my life thinking I was alone in my feelings (again, I was just a kid) or at least very rare in them.
When I grew up, I discovered there were other people just like me. No one taught us to love “against nature,” we just did. Nature isn’t perfect. Nature is random, chaotic, and a mess. People who believe in some bearded old man sitting on a cloud think all of this has a purpose, because it’s scary to realize that all of it is pointless.
None of its has a purpose. We have no idea why we’re here. And, yes, we’re alone in the universe, because the aliens who do exist don’t give a fuck about us.
I had a near death experience in 2014. I saw the light and drifted up toward an incredibly peaceful place that I could have very easily mistaken for Heaven. I know what it was, though. It was simply the universe, which is made of energy, darkness, and light.
There is no god. And the person who wrote the Bible you so cherish was a homophobe whose instructions in hatred you decided to listen to.
Homophobia is a learned behavior. But I don’t hate you for it. You’re a person too. Maybe I’ll write about you in some stories in an attempt to show you the evil of your ways.
Or maybe I’ll just ignore your existence. It hurts less to do so.